Day two of trying to get through this year with creativity and strong dedication. I am determined to find my voice this year and start using it. Mainly in writing.
For some time now I keep reading and hearing about how each of us matters and I think I’m finally willing to believe it. That I matter and I can make a difference. I’m not sure what difference exactly. It’s funny how we probably never fully realise how connected we are to the world around us and the impact our existence is making.
In the past I believed that person’s happiness, or fulfilment depend on how successful they are in life. Mainly financially, as that means they have more resources to do what they want. Again, this is based on my belief that life is about doing what we want as often as we can. If that was true, going to a mediocre job could be described as a suffering.
We live in a world where the first five days of the week (for most of us) are days where we exchange our life for money which we then invest into having some good time on the weekend, or into holiday getaways. Some might be actually very happy with this way if living, but I’m pretty sure the amount of those who are not isn’t exactly irrelevant.
Eventually this will suck the life out of us. I don’t mean that this will kill us, but it seems pretty obvious that this cannot be the happiest way to spend our precious time on this planet.
For some time now, I’m part of this all. Creator of my own suffering. Suffering based on my own perception of reality. Which was based on what I was taught and led to believe. I can’t name all the sources where this beliefs came from, but I guess much of it is based on my own observations. I guess all I have ever seen was a life where everyone just gets on with it.
Sure, I have also been excited, inspired, amazed, but it never lasted long. And what I’m beginning to realise now is, that it never came from inside me. At least I’m not too sure. It seemed to have been triggered by something external. I mean, I cannot recall a moment in which I was totally grateful for my life here, amazed by my own existence, by universe existence. As if I was just walking through life like a ghost of myself. Without realising my own power. Like somehow I believed I am some sort of aetheric being that cannot shape, or re-shape the material world I live in.
I want to believe I can. I’m pretty sure I can. The question is:
Well, I don’t think I know, but I know I want to find an answer to it. That seems enough.
I guess it’s all about one’s ability to put one foot in front of the other. Day after day.
I’m pretty sure the dullness of ordinary day jobs won’t disappear without our effort to see our own lives as something more than a slow walk towards our own deaths with an occasional excitement. I think that eventually the blurred perception of reality will disappear and we will see how beautiful we are, how beautiful life is.
So I will keep going. You, also please keep going. And if you want to read a beautiful story about keeping going, try Rachel Joyce – An unlikely pilgrimage of Harold Fry, it’s an amazing book. I think you will feel uplifted and somehow, something from it will give you some strange little light that you can use on your dark days. Because there will be some for each of us. It’s part of the deal. So make sure you always carry some light within you.