October 23rd-26th, 2014
~ Letter to Jennifer (I saved this post on my mobile as Letter to Jennifer and it was because of re-discovering my passion for writing after I read few unbelievably beautiful posts by Jennifer Pastiloff (check her website here) and I wanted to let her know, that she had touched me and helped me, I couldn’t write it as a letter in the end, but I wanted to mention this, just in case I will forget how did it all started. Thanks Jen 😉
Last night I woke up at about midnight, after sleeping from about 10pm. I knew I would not fall asleep again easily so I started to think what should I do, how not to waste an hour of being awake in the middle of the night. While I was trying to figure out what my next action should be, my four year old daughter gave a little cry, her beautiful face haunted by what seemed to be a bad dream (a very rare sight) and so I stroked her slightly sweaty, messy brown hair and watched her kick up the duvet away as if that was the object of her unrest, exposing herself dressed in new cute onsie pajamas. Then she found a comfortable pose, whispered something and it seemed that the bad dream was gone. So I went downstairs to get a glass of water.
I am not sure if this is the right place to bring up the topics on which me and my wife disagree and which seems to give us a cause for arguments, but since this is my space and I have no need to be hiding the truth from anyone (I still reserve the right to not be telling the full naked truth all the time, which I think is impossible anyway) I will let you know how it is. Basically, our daughter, which as I mentioned is four (in case you missed it) should be, according to her, sleeping alone in her own room, because so many other kids of her age do. But she doesn’t. So me and Anneke are constantly told names of all kids of her age that already do, which somehow in her opinion puts them so far ahead of her in this race that I think I should feel embarrassed how underdeveloped our daughter is. But I don’t. I think our daughter is beautiful and very clever (actually, make it very beautiful, she really is).
It’s like if enough people do certain thing in certain way it must necessary be the right thing and God forbid you event attempted to think or act differently. When my wife explains how it is in other families and, how by what seems to be a default way of parenting, it must also be in ours (otherwise we are bad parents or something) I really have to control myself not to say too much of what I think. I have to admit that I have no exact knowledge how to raise a healthy child and I might be wrong in many cases, but I keep reading how every child is different and although there probably are certain points in their life when they should be able to know this and that, I think it’s undeniable fact that just because someone does, or knows something, it absolutely doesn’t mean that someone else must do, or know it too. Kids will catch up with anything faster than any of us adults will. She only has one childhood. The time to play and be fully herself. Soon pre-school and school will teach the magic away from her and she will fall victim our painful system of uniformity, obedience and modern slavery. Or maybe not, may she will find her way. Maybe if she will see enough freedom as a child, she will keep just enough magic in her innocent heart to wake up one day and remember herself as she once was. Wild and free.
Please understand that I am not trying to argument with anyone here, I had this idea to start writing a blog, where I would be trying to write about myself and my observations of life (mainly mine) trying to figure out how to be happier, how to recognise things that need changing, communicate with the outside world sharing ideas and connect in understanding. At this moment you probably cannot connect enough dots to see how what I am just writing would make me happier, but let me explain.
English is not my native language, I try not to think I speak or write perfect English, because I don’t, but I also don’t think I cannot (occasionally) come up with some good text, or phrase. There isn’t much space where I can improve my language skills and since I carry my phone everywhere and sharing things is piece of cake these days I decided to open myself a bit to the world outside, hoping I might come up with a text or two, that will attract some strayed souls and we can start an interesting dialogue about life and things and see where it can take us.
Please forgive me any mistakes I will make, if anyone will see some terrible grammar, typos, or anything that isn’t as it should be, please drop me a message and I will correct it.
Feel free to comment and interact in any way you like.